Antithesis
by t'Muse
Summary: He’s a guy trapped by his dark past, she’s a girl doomed to a self-imposed dark future. A chance meeting, a pseudo suicide, a connection, a plunge into the abyss, a budding romance. JxB. Rebel Bella.
1. Prologue

**Summary:** After Edward's abrupt departure in _New Moon_, All that was left of Bella Swan was a shell hell-bent on breaking the promise to avoid danger. Having embraced her innate wild side, she is much different from the shy and forgiving girl that the Cullens were familiar with before their departure. However during one of her daredevil expeditions, she chances upon Jasper and slowly begins to question the self-destructive lifestyle that she is living. Sometimes there is a distinction between knowing the right way and following through with it. JxB

**Author's notes:** This is the first piece of fiction I've written in like 4 years (shocking, I know and I'm not even out of school yet) and I know there are many out there who are not comfortable with the idea of Bella with anyone but Edward. But I also strongly believe that Jasper is a character of many complexities who has unfortunately been sidelined many a time not only in fan fiction but sometimes in canon as well. Feel free to give constructive criticism and who knows? Maybe you'll like it.

* * *

--

**Prologue**

--

_Sad, small, sweet, so delicate  
__You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck  
__I got a bad feeling about this (when it comes to this)  
I got a bad feeling about this_

_-A decade under the influence, Taking Back Sunday_

--

His dark amber eyes were a stark contrast against the pitch darkness of the ghastly forest terrain. Yet everything appeared to be in an almost ethereal stillness. His lithe form was pitched in an unforgiving rigid posture blending in almost perfectly amongst the still trees. A mild autumn breeze sent the trees into a chorus of lullaby. His breath momentarily hitched and with a blink, his amber eyes were suddenly morphed into orbs of coal. He edgily shifted his weight from one foot to another, palms grasping a nearby tree trunk and was once again stiff as a board.

The tree bark gave a distinct snap as it pulverized into fine powder, carried away by the breeze.

--

_He left her_. After all the promises of forever, he had _still_ left her.

He had not only abandoned her, he had taken from her everything, memories, gifts, even her ability to _feel_.

_It will be as if I'd never exist._

The shock of Edward's abandonment was starting to wear away and the gravity of her predicament was finally starting to permeate Bella's mind. She helplessly sunk to in floor and for the longest time pressed her head against the wall, wrapping her arms around herself, desperately trying to avoid a complete meltdown.

A sudden, disconcerting feeling of animalistic desire jerked her out of her despair, followed closely by a curious snapping sound. Hope involuntarily coursed through her entire being as Bella wondered if she was starting to imagine things in her desperation. Surely, it cannot be?

Nonetheless, Bella found herself drifting towards the open window to investigate. Almost immediately, she locked eyes with the pair of dark, almost black amber orbs. She was right after all.

_Jasper_

But the question was what exactly was he doing outside her window.

To that, Bella did not have the darnest idea.

--

Quietly cursing his carelessness, Jasper stepped out of the shadows and was immediately bombarded with a truckload of Bella's pain, despair and a tinge of _hope_.

His face contorted into a pained grimace; _he_ was the ultimate cause for all her pain. _He_ was the reason that his family lost one of its members. His self-loathe and inadequacy increased tenfold and he abruptly halted his steps not wanting to cause any more possible damage.

Falling to his knees, he angrily pressed his forehead into his palms. He wanted to make it all better for Bella but what he could offer was only temporary relief. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. Sorry for not having control; sorry for attacking her; sorry for causing Edward to leave her; sorry for giving her hope; and sorry for going to crush this tiny hope.

Moments later, when he had finally calmed himself, Jasper tentatively looked up at Bella. She was biting her lip softly with her arms wrapping her torso. She looked so frail, so _breakable_ at that moment. Yet her eyes were brimming with understanding, acceptance, _forgiveness_.

No words were needed to be spoken.

He understood.

And it was more than anything he could have hoped for.

* * *

A/N: Confusing and angsty I know. Future chapters will not be so.


	2. Introducing

A/N: Took the liberty of posting chapter one with the prologue. So yea.

* * *

**Chapter 1**  
Bella POV

--

_I tried to be perfect  
But nothing was worth it  
I don't believe it makes me real  
I thought it'd be easy  
But no one believes me  
I meant all the things I said_

_-Pieces, Sum 41_

--

_One year later._

--

"Isabella Swan."

Fidgets and murmurs.

"Isabella Swan. Miss Swan please make your way up to the stage immediately" Banner's left eye was starting to twitch violently.

"Right, right. I was in the bathroom. Bad case of nerves. Sorry." _Lie  
_

Banner gave a frown, clearly showing doubt. Then again he wouldn't want to create a scene on _graduation_ day. He is getting the better end of the deal after all, not having to see me and my constant problems anymore after this. _Good riddance_.

I hastily grabbed my diploma out of the headmaster's hands, conveniently ignoring his outstretched arm and made my way back down to my seat, tripping over the hem of ridiculous red robe that we were forced to wear, the entire thirty meters distance. Ah well, some things will never change.

More murmurs.

At least Charlie couldn't make it for the ceremony today. Duty calls. As much as I've been told that I was somewhat lacking in the emotional department, I did like Charlie and I wouldn't want to disappoint him with my performance. In fact, this entire charade of graduation that I've subjected myself to was more for _him_ rather than myself. His pride and enjoy seeing his little girl graduate from high school. I couldn't have cared less.

--

"And now I present to you the graduating class of 2007!" Cue clapping, noise making, throwing of graduation caps.

Wonderful

I clumsily tore off the tacky robe and hurried to the back of the make-shift stage. What I needed was a cigarette. This ridiculous ceremony was really taking a toll on my already fragile mental health.

I carelessly remove the lone cigarette from the box, placing it between my teeth, lit it and taking a long drag. I'd just have to get a new pack later.

What a huge difference a year makes. Just twelve months ago, we were talking about forever. I had good grades, caring boyfriend. The future, the possibilities were endless with _him_ by my side. Yet fast forward a year, I'm alone, socially inept, and still incapable of saying _his_ name. Happiness seemed to be such a foreign concept.

I gently blew out a stream of smoke, simultaneously taking another heavy drag. I'm not usually such a heavy smoker but this calls for special treatment.

I'd never planned to graduate from high school a year ago.

When _he_ left, I fell into a miserable heap. For the first few weeks, I just felt so desensitized, so disconnected from everyone. I worked, functioned as per normal but I was hollow inside. And I didn't fool anyone. Charlie threatened to send me back to Renee.

He didn't get it. Going back to sunny Phoenix would have slowly driven me into insanity. Being in the antithetical opposite of Forks, losing every single piece of evidence of his family's existence would be equivalent of throwing me head-first into the abyss.

I lazily gave another puff.

But here I was, still holding it all together. Albeit not perfectly, but at least still _managing_. It hasn't been a great year. Emotionally, it has been an extremely turbulent one. Anyone in this fucking town would tell you so. They think I don't hear their whispers about that cold, emotionless delinquent Swan girl. Poor Charlie.

If only they knew.

"Ah darlin', knew you would be hiding here. The Chief's here to see you" _Claude_.

Claude is the closest thing I have to a friend after _their_ departure. He is ridiculously good-looking with a badass attitude. He doesn't necessarily know the motivations behind my behaviour but he understands the need for release. We stuck together based on this mutual understanding. I don't know his story, he doesn't know mine.

He doesn't say more and finds a comfortable position against the wall, popping a new pack of cigarettes.

"Got a lighter?"

We settled back in a comfortable silence. The DJ was playing some sappy pop song in the background and I could still hear Lauren's nasal whining.

"Y'know you should probably find daddy. I saw headmaster fiddle-de-fiddle-do heading towards his direction."

"Excuse me? You are only telling me this now because?! Damn it. You know what, fuck you douche."

I hastily put the cigarette out against the wall, giving it a quick squish under my 1-inch heels.

"_Cherié_, it's really not proper for pretty girls to curse. After all, I've gotten us invites to Mallory's private graduation party. A whole night of dirty  
dancing, underage drinking, partying and general debauchery. Now, what were you calling me again?" Claude called out.

I gave him the middle finger and started to teeter across the field towards the general direction of the crowd.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five._

"Pick me up at nine!" I shouted back at him. A girl had a reputation to uphold after all; can't appear to be too desperate.

I hear Claude give a short bark of laughter.

--

I anxiously chewed my gum as I spotted Charlie speaking to the Headmaster at the edge of the make-shift platform, neither of them looking too happy.

_Hell_

Fool was probably relating my entire year's misconduct to Charlie. In fact, I was surprised that he hadn't gone to Charlie earlier. What's the point of doing it now when everything is finished? Nonetheless, there wasn't much I could do with the situation without making myself look worse. That said, I made my way to Charlie's cruiser resting at the curb to wait for the verdict.

I carelessly hopped onto the car boot. Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, allowing myself a rare smile.

_It's finished. Maybe I can move on now._

Allowing the light drizzle to pelt against my skin, I looked at Fork's High School for the last time.

* * *

A/N: Be nice and drop a review?


	3. Let Loose

**Author's Note:** I just remembered something important that I forgot to mention! There will not be any existence of werewolves in my story and Jacob and Bella never did have the time to develop their friendship. Just thought I would clear that up before it creates confusion in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 2**  
Bella POV

--

_It's been a while  
__Since I could say that I wasn't addicted and__  
It's been a while  
__Since I could say I love myself as well […]  
__But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem__  
The consequences that I've rendered  
I've stretched myself beyond my means_

_-Its been a while, Staind_

--

I like my big red monster truck. Really, I do. A lot.

But this stealth mission was just not the occasion for it and Claude is late _again_.

Charlie wasn't too pleased when we got back from graduation ceremony. Turns out that Banner was quite the cunning little tattletale after all. He _actually_ told Charlie about that one little incident in Biology class that _he_ instigated and put the entire blame on _me_.

I wasn't the one who kept pronouncing photosynthesis as _foot-_to-_sing-_thesis! The damage it was doing to my ears and all! He should be happy I didn't sue. When I make an effort to do a good deed there, correcting his flawed English, what I got in return was a visit to the headmaster's office and _detention_.

God, the nerve of the man.

Needless of say, Charlie wasn't quite impressed. He spent the entire trip back in silence and the next fifteen minutes back home ranting about what a screw-up I was. And that was quite a feat seeing how our conversations usually don't last more than three sentences. His exact words were _"Bella I'm so disappointed in you. You know it isn't the end of the world just because that Cullen boy left you. What happen to college and scholarships and your other friends?"_

Just with lots of pauses in between.

Of course Charlie would never call me a failure outright, he just _implied_ it.

If only he knew the extent of my misdemeanor.

I was already too far gone.

"You know Char-_Dad_, I didn't know how to tell you this. But I don't actually plan to go to college. As for Claude, I'm sure he is doing fine. We just saw each other this morning remember?" I really felt awful springing such a surprise on Charlie but he annoyed me so bad by mentioning _him_.

Charlie gapped at me for a whole minute before grounding me. _On graduation day_.

Hence, the need for this bad replication of mission impossible.

--

I crept through the hallway towards Charlie's bedroom to check whether the coast was clear. His door wasn't closed completely, allowing me to take a quick peek.

He most definitely wasn't asleep. If he is, he is obviously an extremely skilled sleepwalker.

He was standing by the window, taking long swings from his can of beer. Probably worrying about me. I tried to stop the guilt from consuming me. I usually try to avoid thinking about how my actions and behaviour affect those around me.

It was selfish of me. I knew without a doubt. But I needed the danger, the rule-breaking, the _exhilaration_. They were my emotional stimulants. Without them, I would be lost, empty. Claude understood this. The rest, they wouldn't, _couldn't_ comprehend this concept. Twisted, but hey it helps me get by.

Heading back to my room, I locked the door, changed into a casual halter tiered red party dress and put on some mascara.

Over the months, I learnt that if I wanted access and invites to in happening parties and events, I needed to at least look presentable. Henceforth began my education on make-up and dressing. I didn't necessarily enjoy it but it made me feel wanted, _adequate_.

And that in itself is a good enough reason.

--

Claude is officially a dead man. 21 minutes 48 seconds late. _Bravo_, a new record.

And finally the soft purring of his Vespa ("Excuse me?! Its not just any scooter, it's my precious baby Vespa LXV 150. You'd better remember it well if you ever want a ride again sweetheart!"). A few curses later, he emerged from the side of the house carrying the worn ladder that we hid in the bushes, placing it against my window. It was a ritual that we were accustomed to.

I used to sneak out by climbing onto the tree just next to my window. But after more than a few bad falls, torn clothing and shabby cover-ups, we retired the plan and Claude built me a ladder for Christmas instead.

It was probably the best idea he'd had in a while. Charlie thought he was on drugs.

I climbed down the ladder with well-practiced ease (as much as a gravitationally-challenged person could possess) and conveniently elbowed Claude's face.

He gave a surprised yelp and let go of the ladder to grab his face. Promptly causing me to lose my balance and fall on him.

_Thud. Omphf._

"Fuck woman! What was that for?!" He hissed.

"Ask yourself dickhead! Being lat-"

Charlie's window opened and we simultaneously shut up.

He stuck his head out, squinting in the dark for a long time.

And finally deciding it was nothing.

We made a run for it the moment he disappeared into the house.

--

The Mallorys were one of the richer families in Forks and their house was almost as big as the Cullens, just located in a more remote area. Lauren should be thankful for that. She wasn't exactly the queen of subtlety.

We could hear the party going on in full swing over 500 meters away.

It didn't look like an exclusive, invites only party. The whole place was swarmed with people. It looked as if the entire senior and majority of the junior class were here anyway.

Claude and I immediately headed for the drinks counter. Whoever said that small town folks didn't know what a real party was has obviously never met Lauren or step foot into Forks. She hired a professional bartender for Christ's sake.

Pfft, She must really want to be remembered.

Pity, she was such a bitch.

We started slow with beers, mocking other drunkards doing stupid things. By the time I downed my third Margarita, I was sufficiently loosen up.

"C'mon handsome, I love this song! Dance with me Claude!"

"That's what you always say when you're drunk darlin'" _Rolls eyes_.

"Well too bad you're coming anyway" I sneered.

Roughly tugging Claude towards the center of the make-shift dance floor, I stationed myself with my back faced against him, pushing myself against his chest, allowing our hips to move in sync with the music. I pretended it's _him_ who is holding me. I felt Claude's hot breath against my jaw and instinctively wrapped my hands at the back of his neck, lightly mussing his black hair, sinking deeper into my fantasy.

It is only when I was sufficiently intoxicated could I take refuge in my own utopia without suffering the repercussions. They would have been long forgotten by the time of sunrise.

When the song ended, I was swept away by the crowd. Bodies were packed so tightly against one another that it was more grinding than dancing going on. The air reeked of alcohol.

I retired from the dance floor at the end of the fifth song after suffering a guerrilla attack from Tyler Crowley. Idiot was utterly wasted and kept trying to coup a free feel. I spotted Claude lounging in his seat with Lauren appearing to be half-sitting on him. Jessica and Angela were standing awkwardly nearby. He didn't looking the least bit drunk, even slightly bored.

Ass always had a high endurance when it comes to alcohol.

With adrenaline still rushing through my ears, I plop myself on the other side of Claude, ordering another vodka.

"Hey Ang, Jess, Lauren. Great party by the way."

Angela gave me a small smile, Jess rolled her eyes and Lauren ignored me altogether.

_Oh, well_ at least they can't fault me for not trying.

_His_ rejection and my zombie months took a heavy toil on my relationship with the school kids. It wasn't that they didn't try but they couldn't help if they didn't know what was going on. Problem was I didn't know how to let them in without appearing like a nutcase.

"_My ex-boyfriend was a vampire and he dumped me because I wanted him to bite me and he wouldn't do it."_

That wouldn't exactly work.

By the time Claude had entered the picture, our friendship was already on a one way ticket to doom. He just acted as the catalyst that brought forward the timeout. When I started 'hanging out' with him, aka doing rule-breaking stuff, Jessica reached her boiling point.

--

_(Flashback)_

_It was the second week after Claude had transferred to Forks. We had Literature class together just before lunch break and had taken a small detour for a quick smoke. Feeling more relaxed, we entered the cafeteria, 15 minutes late. _

_I paid for the food and took my usual seat beside Angela. None of them said anything about my late arrival but Jess was glaring daggers at me. _

_I ignored her hostile look and tried to make nice by asking her to pass the ketchup._

_She abruptly stood up causing her chair to fall. Finally bursting out, "You know what Bella? Lauren was right about you! You're such a hypocritical slut! We are your FRIENDS but you don't ever give a shit about us. Before the Cullens left, it was always Edward this, Edward that, Alice this, Alice that. But who was there when they left? WE stuck by you but you obviously couldn't see that! And now when fresh meat appears, you're suddenly okay again. Guess what? I'M DONE WITH YOU HERE!"_

_None of the rest would look me in the eye. They agreed._

_Her words cut deep._

"_Look, I'm sorry about ignoring you guys but it's complicated. But gee, I didn't realize that you thought so highly of me Jess. You're right. It's finished." That said I turned around and slap Jessica in the face._

_I didn't stay long enough to watch her reaction._

_No one bothered to stop me from leaving._

--

My relationship with the whole clique hasn't been the same since. More like non-existent, but whatever.

While I was preoccupied in la-la-land, it appears that Lauren's attempt to flirt with Claude was failing flat out. Claude was not-so-subtly edging away as her nasal voice started rising shrilly with desperation.

Finally, with what appeared to be her last secret weapon, she whipped out a tiny Ziploc from her breast. A few nondescript tablets were placed inside.

That had my interest piqued

_Looks like someone has been a naughty girl_

Obviously feeling in control once again, Lauren leaned closer pushing her boobs harder into Claude's face, causing me to stifle a giggle. She pretended not to notice and continued in a whisper, "My brother visited a few weeks ago from college and gave me these for safekeeping. So you must know how privileged you are that I'm sharing it with _you_." She said it in such a way that left no doubt that she was trying to seduce Claude. I let out a small snort. Throwing me a withering glare, "Its Ecstasy pills in case some people are unaware."

Dumb much Lauren? Safekeeping drugs for others. That has got to be a new level of stupidity for her.

The arrival of my vodka interrupted my retort.

The whole group fell silent in anticipation and Lauren fleeted her glances between me and my drink. Any fool would understand what she thinking.

It was apparent that she expected me to be that fool. Not that I have a problem acquiescing with that.

I snatched the packet from her without hesitation and dropped the tablet into the vodka, giving her a smug grin.

"Swan, are you sure-" The only time Claude ever called me by my surname was when I nearly killed us both by crashing his old bike into a wall. Too bad the one thing that I'm famous for is being overly stubborn.

And before he could finish, I already took a gulp of my drink. I raised an eyebrow challengingly at Lauren.

Muttering under her breath (I distinctly heard "bitch"), she stood up and left.

I took another swallow, smiling happily. The glass was half emptied.

Claude frowned at me.

"Don't be such a pussy Claude. That was exciting!" I burst out in hysterical laugher.

"did you…hic…you…see hur fahce? It…it was sooooh damn fuhnny! Plus…hic…Ah fhel rehally ghood" Clutching my sides from laughter, I slurred, feeling on top of the world.

"Fuck no, feeling high now eh? I swear you're seeking deat-" Claude paused, a strange expression on his face.

He stared at the window for a moment before making his way, throwing it open in one fluid motion. A strange wailing sound started assaulting my ears as colours swirled in front of my eyes.

I heard Claude bellow something before everyone went into chaos mood, screaming, pushing and shoving. Claude half carried half yanked me to my feet and begin dragging me away from the all that pretty colours that were starting to fill my vision.

I gave a weak protest "put me down! I want to touch the colours!"

Stretching my hands out in front of me, I only managed to wrap my hands around wisp of air.

Gradually, the voices in the background became mere echoes and everything appeared to be playing in slow motion.

I felt myself being sluggishly pulled away further and further from the pretty swirling lights.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I knew no more.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! Nice reviews make me happy *hint hint*. I was planning to upload it tomorrow but I was just too darn excited. Aren't y'all just lucky! Hope y'all don't find Claude's presence irritating because I really like the guy and he maybe sticking around for a few more chappies. Adios.


	4. The Tangled Web We Weave

**Author's Note: **I've had a blast writing this chapter. Hope you guys will enjoy reading as much as I did writing! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, they really made me smile. And to address concerns of the lack of Jasper's presence, don't worry! He's coming soon!

* * *

**Chapter 3**  
Bella POV

--

_Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring  
And I'm thinking awful things  
I'm pretty sure that few would notice.  
And this apartment  
Is starving for an argument.  
Anything at all to break the silence._

_- Saints and sailors, Dashboard Confessional_

--

_Whack!_

My arm made contact with the alarm clock. It continued beeping in a tone that sounded strangely like Claude's voice.

Gee, since when did the clock companies started making alarm clocks that sounded like Claude?

I must have ended in hell somewhat, somehow.

Cracking open an eyelid, I see four slabs of grey mouldy walls and almost immediately after an image of Claude assaulted my vision.

"ARGHHH!!! My eyes! They're burning!"

I attempted to sit up but then realized that I was already in an upright position. In my red dress. I froze.

_Oh._ OH!

Last night's events came rushing back to my brain at breakneck speed, sending my head into a wild throbbing.

Note to self: Getting drunk, taking drugs and fainting is a lethal combination, detrimental to one's health.

Not that everyone didn't already know that. But hey, my brain has always been slow in processing.

"Darlin' when you finally decide to stop pretending to be asleep, please, feel free to remove your hand off my head." I hear Claude say in a deadpan manner.

Momentarily forgetting my headache, I moved my hands from the top of his head and palmed his face instead. I opened my eyes and gave him a wide grin.

"Good morning to you too grumpy face."

"Ha ha ha, very funny. I would like to see you smile when the chief finds that you have landed yourself in _his_ jail. He'll lock you in your room, install bullet proof windows and ground you for life. But oh wait! He has already done that! I wonder what he will do now!" The sarcasm was killing my brain cells.

My headache returned with a vengeance. I groaned loudly. Claude was right. Charlie _is_ going to kill me.

He snorted.

"Shut up idiot! You're making my headache worse. Plus, we're in this together. IF I die, I'll FREAKING bring yo-!"

"KEEP IT DOWN, IF YOU ALL WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE SOON!"

To which Claude screamed back "AND I DEMAND MY PHONE CALL!"

Said police officer wadded up to our cell. He was a balding old man whose pants were lying below his huge belly, a few sizes too small. Chewing on a donut, he blew saliva all over us.

"You punks are charged for illegal consumption of alcohol and resisting arrest and this one here" he jabs at me "one more charge of illegal drug consumption" He gives a dramatic pause for effect. Claude rolled his eyes and I resisted wiping his spit off my forehead "soo kid, I suggest you behave well or else…"

His miserable attempt to threaten us was _almost_ as scary as Spongebob's laughter. We gave him a patronizing I-understand-you-just-want-to-look-cool-but-its-kind-of-not-working smile. He wiggled a threatening finger and stomped off.

A silence hung over us after Mr. police officer's departure. I started freaking out.

"Claude…do you think they'll really send us to jail?" I asked in a small voice.

"I dunno darlin'"

"But I don't to go to jail and become some ugly fat bitch's fuck toy! I'm too young for that!" I wailed, on the verge of tears.

Claude started backing away from me like I had some disease. "Um…I'm sure daddy won't allow that to happen? It'll be fine I'm sure. Plus if we end up in jail its kinda your fault sweetheart. Passing out when we were trying to escape isn't exactly ideal. Try carrying yourself and running, at the same time." Seeing that I was starting to hyperventilate, he quickly added "not that I'm saying you're fat or anything."

Thanks a lot, like that is suppose to make me better.

I didn't know whether I should punch him or hug him.

--

Claude and I have been rotting away in this stupid cell for the past six hours. We have played fifteen rounds of 'guess the lyrics' (trying to annoy the stupid officers), eighty-three rounds of 'scissors, paper or stone' and 'over a million rounds of 'I spy' and 'spelling be'. Having squandered away our precious phone calls (Claude called his momma, I called Charlie), we were left without any other options but to wait for them.

According to Claude, momma Claude wasn't going to come. Their entire conversation lasted 20 seconds, with him holding the receiver away from his ear for most of it.

Charlie was our only hope now. _And he was due 3 freaking hours ago._

"Isabella Swan! Claude Delacruz! Up you go." _Speak of the devil_

Oh god, finally.

Charlie was signing papers. He frowned deeply when he saw us. I was missing a shoe while Claude had a sleeve missing from his shirt.

"Alright get moving kids."

We didn't need to be told twice.

Once outside, Charlie informed me not so nicely that I was, as accordance to standard procedure, put under probation for 6 months. He would be monitoring my behaviour. Claude got off with a simple warning. All because I took a stupid pill and he didn't.

--

After dropping Claude home, Charlie said we needed to talk.

So here we are, sitting in the living room, facing one another, not knowing how to begin.

Finally, after sitting, standing and pacing for umpteen cycles, Charlie began to speak in a oddly calm manner.

"You've graduated from high school now Bells, what do you _actually_ plan to do? College? You wanted to apply for the University of Alask-"

"Char-Dad look I've told you already and I'm totally serious. I'm not going to college. What's the point? A few more years of torture is not going to make a difference to my life." _Oops?_

"Alright, alright." Charlie seem to be placating himself more than me "What do you want to do then? Cook for me for the rest of your life?! Lets be realistic you can't stay here forever."

"Gee, I love you too dad. But I haven't really thought that far yet? Maybe I'll write a book when I'm ready. Meanwhile I can just paint or something. Drug dealing maybe?" I gave him a Cheshire cat grin.

Charlie turned an unhealthy shade of prune.

"Damnit Bella! I'm being serious here! I really don't know what to do with you anymore. I've closed an eye on many occasions, trying to give you your space to deal with your break-up with the Cullen boy. But this?! Drugs? Arrestment? You don't even seem bothered!"

"Char-Dad look I'm really sorry about having you to bail me out but it's not that big a deal! It is my first offense! Its not like I'm some drug addict." I rolled my eyes.

Bad move.

"Bella I don't give a _shit_ whether it's the first offense, second or third. The fact is that you are wrecking your life over some stupid boy! Can't you see what you are doing to yourself?!" I shook my head negative. "I'm done pretending that _Edward_ doesn't exist. He's gone. Gone! BAM-WHAM disappeared! You need to move on before I'm forced to send you back to Renee." He paused hesitantly for a bit 'Maybe…you should consider seeing a shrink honey."

"No. And _don't_ say his name." I snarled coldly.

This is the first time in almost a year that someone has said his name in my face. I felt strangely disoriented. Weird but not as painful compared to when he first left. The sensation when someone dumps a bucket of cold water on your face. I didn't dwell on it.

"See that's exactly what I'm saying!" Charlie throws his hands up in exasperation "Nonetheless, you're on _probation_ and since you're determine not to go to college, you can go find a job for yourself. Think about it."

That said, Charlie stomped off.

Pausing momentarily at the doorway, he turned his head back.

"Curfew's at 10pm. Don't even _think_ about sneaking out."

I sagged into the chair and gave an irritated huff. I'd like to see how Charlie likes his dinner charred.

* * *

A/N: Like it, don't like it? Drop a review anyway :D


	5. Interlude I: What About Now

**Author's Note:** Well not exactly Bella/Jasper interaction but at least its Jasper right? That shows we're making progress! Oh and one more thing, I'd like to know whether y'all want more Jasper or back to Bella.

* * *

**Interlude I**

**--  
**

Jasper swore.

He had spent seven fucking months in therapy after his disastrous attempt at Bella's life. He was sure he was ready. After all, Alice assured him that she saw that he returned on this damn day. But that was before he actually stepped foot into this torture chamber. He didn't feel least bit confident or appreciative towards Alice's ability. He _resented_ it. This wasn't his choice; this was him following what Alice said.

He took a deep breath out of habit to calm himself. An on slaughter of a thousand different scents flooded through his nostrils, each different yet equally delicious all the same, leaving a trail of a thousand blazing fires down his throat.

"_Focus on their humanly qualities Jasper"_ He screamed in his head. He tried to concentrate on their interaction, but all he received was continuous chattering and high pitched laughing that congregated into an irritating buzzing noise indistinguishable from one another. Their lust-filled, hormone-driven emotions did nothing to plead their case either.

He had honestly thought his return was in everyone's best interest. The tension was already thick within the family with Edward's long stints of absence tracking Victoria and his constant clashes with Rosalie when at home. He didn't think that it would be good separating the family any further. In addition, he wasn't sure when it started, but at a certain point, his relationship with Alice had changed. She was becoming distant and Jasper had a feeling she wasn't telling him something.

Sure, they were always affectionate with one another but never in an Emmett-Rosalie mind-blowing passionate kind of way. Some part of him always knew that what they had wasn't meant to last forever. He thinks Alice is aware too. They were two pieces that _nearly_ fit but there will always be gaps that leave them incomplete and wanting. Maybe it's a result of their unorthodox first meeting, maybe it's the fact that he felt he wasn't given a choice in the relationship. He didn't know.

Jasper instinctively let out a low growl in his throat as a guy accidentally bumped into him. One might think that he hadn't actually killed, hence did not have to subject himself to such harsh treatment, but he'd know better. The smell of Bella's blood that night seven months ago served as a brutal reminder how volatile and vulnerable he remained to human blood. How they allure him, called out to him unlike the rest of his siblings who have limited exposures to such delightful delicacies.

He sensed worry and anxiety and even exasperation, radiating off his siblings as they looked on and he quickly placated them with a blanket of calm. Alice was whispering comforting words in his ear but nothing really registered in his brain.

The bell rang and he slowly dragged himself into the classroom, Emmett following closely behind him for precaution. Self-doubt was running amok in his head, but pride wouldn't allow him to ditch. Jasper was keenly aware that he was playing with fire. Carlisle said he was more than ready but he knew confidence was the key and he wasn't in the right mentality to be doing this.

--

The hours crawled along and Jasper was sure if time were to move any slower, it would be going backwards. His mind was solely concentrated on the _tick tock_ of the second hand moving as the teacher drone on about calculus somewhere far away.

_Fifteen seconds_

"_Mr. Hale, make your way to the board. Solve question 5 and 6." He pretended not to hear._

_Nine seconds_

"_Mr. Hale, did you hear me? Question 5 and 6 now!"_

_Three seconds_

"_Hale! Are you feeling alright? Do you want to see the school nurse?"_

_Riiingg_

He swiftly chucked everything into his bag and rushed out of the classroom before the teacher could say another word.

--

When he reached the cafeteria, the rest were already sitting at a table, conversing at vampire speed. Jasper didn't bother with the pretense of getting food, heading straight for the table instead.

"_-attack someone. His control is weak-"_

"_-e should wait longer before coming-"_

"_-isn't here yet, you guys think something happ-"_

Alice was the first to see him and the others immediately shut up. Jasper was pissed. He had just endured an entire morning of torture for them and had barely made it. _So much for a little peace and support._ Here the very same people who just this morning held so much belief in him that he couldn't bear disappointing them were also the ones secretly doubting his ability.

"Gossiping behind my back now, I see. Want to start a bet as well on how long I'll last?" He hissed.

Alice looked hurt while the others avoided looking at him.

"We were just concerned about you being late Jazzy. I've checked your future repeatedly, nothing would've happened anyway. Don't worry love. I know you'll make it through the entire day!" Alice tried to sooth him but it only made Jasper more irritated.

He was thoroughly sick of Alice always telling him what he was going to do. It had once upon a time made him feel assured, loved but now it only succeeded in making him feel like an imbecile, a prisoner of his own actions. He made an impulse decision.

"Forget it. I can't do this. I'm leaving now." That said, Jasper threw open the cafeteria doors and stomped out, leaving a bewildered audience in his wake.

--

Jasper ran for a long time, losing himself to the wilderness.

He reflected upon his existence, what he wants, what he needs. The recurring theme in his entire existence has always been following what others said. When first changed during the American Civil Wars, his sole purpose was a killing machine controlled by Maria. He belonged to her, mind and body. Whatever she ordered of him, he did it. When he finally broke away, Alice came into the picture almost immediately. She had helped him to see past his darkness and finding his humanity and he held her in reverence. He took her word almost as gospel truth and followed through without questioning, _until now that is_.

He suddenly felt lost.

Looking abruptly into the sky, he realized that night has already fallen. The sky was for once, was cloudless and a thousand stars could be seen dancing. Slightly dazed, he made his way back.

--

Standing at the porch of the mansion, Jasper hesitantly pushed open the door.

Looking at the warmly-lit living room, the colours and images flashing from the television, the myriad of different shoes lying haphazardly on the floor, the half finished portrait that Esme was working on in the corner; Jasper had a sense of _déjà vu_.

He carelessly shut the door with a loud thud, causing the entire family to come rushing to the living room. Their anxiousness and concern flooded through his entire being and he flashed them a tired smile.

Alice launched herself into him nearly in hysteria, mumbling about worried she was about how his future kept changing. He awkwardly patted her head.

When she finally released him, the rest of the family wore amused smiles, ready to give them their private space.

"Wait! I have something to say." He paused for a second before blurting out.

"I'm leaving."

His proclamation was met with a stunned silence. But the more he thought about it, that more Jasper believed in what he said. It felt right, natural.

He reiterated with conviction "I'm leaving."

The second time he said it, it felt almost surreal, liberating. It was like his words were cemented into stone and his confidence increased tenfold.

"Bu-but why?" Esme stuttered out.

He was on a roll with an epiphany. "Its not anyone's fault. I just feel that sometime, somewhere while living my life, I lost my meaning and focus. I mean some days I don't even recognize myself anymore. I'm just living out this paranoid existence where I fear to lose control every single day and exposing the family for what we truly are. Am I making sense?" Carlisle gave a slight nod in encouragement and he continued in a softer tone.

"I-I simply don't think anymore, I just rely on Alice to tell me what I'm going to do, how I'm going to react in situations. For god's sake, I even feel claustrophobic in my own skin."

No one knew how to react and tension hung thick in the air almost cackling. Jasper instinctively sent out strong waves of calm. No one protested to his actions. Finally, Carlisle let out a sigh and sunk heavily into the settee.

"Do what you must son. Just remember that you'll always have a place here within the family."

He nodded weakly, not daring to look at any of them for he was afraid of what he might see. Making his way up to his and Alice's room, he systematically started to remove daily essentials, clothes, underwear, followed by music, laptop, books and other miscellaneous items that he had collected from long existence. He really didn't have that many worldly possessions. He packed everything neatly in a corner and went for a stroll around the house for the last time. He would set off at dawn; there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

Everyone appeared to be avoiding him, even Alice. When he saw Edward sitting in the kitchen, he silently joined him. Edward isn't the easiest person to be around with especially after leaving Bella. His emotions were so intensely morose that Jasper had a hard time maintaining his calm. But tonight he would share his pain. They sat in a comfortable silence.

As the first light of dawn began to peek through the open window, Jasper got up to leave. But as he brushed past Edward, he grabbed him arm and muttered hoarsely

"Just know that I don't blame you for anything that happened to Bella."

--

Jasper was loading his few belongings onto his black Ford Ranger truck when the family came out to watch him. He had the least flashy vehicle of lot but it still had a far superior engine thanks to Rosalie. He had honestly thought they weren't coming after their continuous evasion last night. A heavy mood of impending doom was settling upon them and it was starting to affect him.

"I guess this is it."

Alice let of a strangled sob. He enveloped her in a hug and whispered quiet words in her ear.

"I just need space love. This is not goodbye forever. We'll see each other again." He gave a humourless laugh "after all we have until the end of time."

"No you don't understand Jasper! You leave and you are not coming back! I've seen it! Please, I love you. Don't go." Desperation was seeping through her pores.

"I love you too but I _need_ this for myself. For _us_. I'm so sorry."

Jasper tentatively released her and walk towards the others. He shook Carlisle hand, gave Esme and Rosalie a hug and nodded towards Edward and Emmett.

"Take care of her for me."

Kissing Alice softly on the forehead for the last time, he hopped into the driver's seat. The truck gave a roar and came to life. Giving the gear shift a light tug, it lurched forward, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. He didn't look back.

Putting on his sunglasses, Jasper gave a small smile. He was free.

* * *

**A/N: Can we try to push for 10 reviews this time folks? Not that I won't update but so many of y'all are reading! And of course thanks to those who are constantly reviewing, I love you guys!**


	6. Thats Alright By Me

**Author's Note: **Well, I wanted to give y'all Jasper and Bella but I just couldn't get it right. This one's kind of a filler but bear with it yea! The drama is coming!

* * *

**Chapter 4**  
Bella POV

--

_They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'  
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know  
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine  
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go_

_-Rehab, Amy Winehouse_

--

"Hey old man, I'm done for the day. See ya on monday." I removed the sparkly hot pink apron from my waist and clumsily pulled on my pair of worn jeans under the indecently short skirt.

"Alrighto bitches. Be careful when yer leave aye! It's late and ah wouldn't want to lose my most favouritest gurl to some drunk idiot."

Waitress at Gomez's diner/pub wasn't something that I exactly had in mind when I agreed to look for a job after my 'heart-to-heart' talk with Charlie. I had become somewhat proficient at serving, carrying plates, finding my center of gravity after starting a month ago. Not that it is enriching much with life skills, _but still_. Seeing how I was decided not to go to college (not that I had a choice, since almost all the application deadlines were closed), I had no choice but to find work before Charlie used the probation threat to get me to do so anyway.

Not that I've regretted it since. It gave some structure to my already messed up life. It helps that Gomez was a great guy as well. Crude, somewhat lecherous and whips up one hell of a tortilla. His wife left him 20 years ago. A perfect case of the saying 'birds of a feather flock together'.

"Okay pops, whatever you say. Claude is picking me anyway."

I hadn't planned on getting a job when I first entered this shabby diner over a month ago. Yet now it's my reprieve. The complete opposite of what I'm so accustomed to; dirty, scruffy, gaudy- _my perfect sanctuary_.

--

_(Flashback)_

"_What are we doing in this shit hole Claude, seriously?"_

"_I told you woman, I'm hungry."_

"_It's 10am and we just had breakfast less than" I checked my watch "an hour ago."_

"_I'm still a growing boy?"_

_I snorted._

_We had just gone over to the petrol station to pump up Claude's scooter and I needed a lighter. He had insisted that we drop by nearby for a snack. Hence, resulting in us sitting in this dumpy diner with beer-sloshed seats and underpowered lights._

"_Are you ready to order?" Blonde bimbo asked as she fluttered her eyelashes coyly at Claude._

"_You have something in your eye Blondie? Too much mascara causing your eyelids to sag?" I asked irritated._

_She scowled at me._

"_It's tru-"_

"_We'll just have a fish and chip each darling'" Claude slaps one hand over my mouth and gave Blondie a wink._

_The food arrived quickly and boy, it was gross. They should have renamed it fish swimming in oil. _

"_Blondie, what is this trash? Purposely trying to poison me eh? I want to see your manager!"_

_Blondie rolled her eyes and went off, bringing Gomez back few minutes later._

"_Yes gurl, yer have a problem with my food? This is the regular shit that you kids eat nowadays no? Ah don't see no problem."_

"_I'm not drinking oil old man! Bah! I can cook better than this."_

_Gomez stared at me and I stared back defiantly. Finally, after some time, he gave a booming laugh._

"_Feisty one here aye! Ah like it. We could do with someone like yer here. If yer ever need a little job, come find me. Meals on meh. Can't do anything about yer drinking oil though sweetheart." _

_I was stunned into silence by the sudden turned of events. Claude nudged me violently. _

"_Job darling'! You need one remember!" oh yea._

--

And so begins my wild and wacky adventures as waitress at Gomez's Bar and Diner. I live to serve- _Drunks, perverts and whatever junk that comes across the place that is. _

Old Bella would have fretted over the fact that the world was such a terrible place. Then again the old me wouldn't even have gotten the job in the first place being the naïve sheltered girl. New Bella takes everything in her stride. After all, life was just a sick game.

The soft purr of Claude's scooter alerted me of his arrival.

He has been really accommodating of late, fetching me home a few times a week when I worked the night shift. Unlike me, Claude still had semblance of a future. He was entering community college when summer vacation ends. That would probably be when our friendship expires as well, when we cross different paths at the fork of the road, his to a new life, mine self-destruction.

The journey back was relatively quiet. I was too tired to really talk much and refuse to disrupt the harmony of crickets chirping and leaves rustling anyway.

Charlie was waiting for me in the living room watching sports as usual.

"Hey Dad. Sorry to keep you up, business was busy at Gomez's."

In typical male response, he grunted. Giving a little nod at Claude, he went up to his room.

He was keeping me on a really tight leash nowadays. Just a couple of days ago, I was forced to throw out my lighter and two packets of cigarettes after he did a surprise raid of my room.

I didn't know how serious he was about the probation saga until then.

He even got me nicotine gum. A lifetime's worth of supply. I was half expecting him to shout _'April Fool!'_ at me.

I appreciate the fatherly gesture but it was really not necessary since I didn't exactly want to quit the habit. Of course Charlie wouldn't accept that particular answer. The stash of unopened gum packets at the back of my closet would be an indication.

Claude had made himself comfortable in the kitchen with some leftover pizza and a can of beer while I dump my stuff in my room.

For some reason unfathomable to either of us, Charlie didn't mind Claude too much. He was more amiable with him than he ever was with _him_.

Getting a can of soda for myself, we moved to the front porch to share a smoke.

I had limited access to such little pleasures nowadays.

We took turns taking puffs from the little stick of joy.

"I heard of a new adventure activity nearby. We are going on an excursion tomorrow. Bring a change of clothes and I'll pick you up in the late morning." Claude announced mid-puff.

I rolled my eyes. He stopped asking me for my participation a long time ago. I am always up for a little danger and he knew it.

* * *

**A/N:** We made 10 reviews! I love you all! Hope y'all can keep it coming!


	7. Down The Rabbit Hole

**Author's Note:** Well, this one took slightly longer to come out than expected! Between Christmas shopping and homework, I didn't really have much free time. Anyways hope this chapter meets your expectations(: Enjoy and **MERRY CHRISTMAS** to everyone out there!

* * *

**Chapter 5  
Bella POV**

--

_In an interstellar burst__,__  
I am back to save the universe__,__  
In a deep deep sleep of the innocent__,__  
I am born again_

_-Airbag, Radiohead_

--

I spent a better part of the morning convincing Charlie that I wasn't doing anything illegal or rule breaking, which was _partially_ true since I didn't exactly know what we were doing or going. He had finally only let up because he had to go to the police station.

Not that I didn't deserve it. _But still_. Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence Dad.

The rest of the morning was spent cleaning out my room which had become somewhat of a junk yard in my recent negligence due to work commitments. I was in the middle of dusting the underside of my bed when Claude let himself in.

"Darlin', as much as I enjoy the view, we should really go while the good weather lasts." Claude spoke to my ass.

I blindly kicked a leg in the direction of his voice. And in typical fashion, I ended up flat on my stomach with my leg not even close to touching him.

I brandished the duster in his face, shooing him out of my room while I changed, grinning the entire time he coughed violently at the other side of the door.

A blotched sandwich and split coffee later, we were off. Claude said that we were going somewhere nearby the First Beach area. I had no idea what could we possibly be doing there that was remotely interesting but Claude has never disappointed with his excursions before. He insisted that I would love this one and it would be a surprise.

Like I was really dying of the suspense.

The weather was surprisingly cooperatively sunny, drenching the trees in a warm orange, causing the ocean sparkle in a myriad of colours in a distance. We drove along the deserted coastline for some time, soaking up the rare sunlight. Finally, turning around a bend, the entire beach front came into view and it was breath taking.

The water was an inviting mass of glistening sapphires as waves crashed into the rocks and cliffs lining the coast one after another in a never ending cycle. A swim-able distance away, a small rocky island protruded out of the waters, almost seven stories high. From various heights, people were throwing themselves off the cliff and into the ocean. At first glance, I had thought that they were committing suicide.

I gave a little yelp of terror as someone contacted with the water with a huge splash.

"My god! Are you insane Claude! You brought me here to die?! I like a little action but I never said I wanted to COMMIT SUICIDE!" I half-screeched, half-squeaked.

Claude gave me a what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about look before starting to giggle like a ditsy school girl.

He took a sufficiently long while to calm his sudden bout of madness, while I send him withering glares the entire time.

"Relax darlin', they are not killing themselves. This is entertainment! Cliff-diving, the locals call it. See, guy there is fine." He pointed at the spot where said person broke surface "BUT, you're half-right! This is the surprise! Ain't it exciting?!"

I gave him a doubtful glance while he rubbed his palms together in gleeful anticipation, looking like a kid who's Christmas had come early.

We quickly parked the scooter near the beach and dismounted.

The last time I had been to the beach was with Mike and the other kids from school. It was also the first time I heard about 'Cold Ones' from the La Push legends. The weather wasn't as favourable then. In a certain way, I felt like I've gone through a full circle. It was a strange yet accomplished feeling knowing that I have made it through everything so far.

--

We started off at the lowest ledge where mostly middle school kids were concentrated. Claude pushed past the entire queue eliciting protests and grumbling while he wore an amused grin. I embarrassedly followed after him, somehow managing to step on countless feet. My face was a beet red when I finally stumbled my way to the slight clearing aka 'launching pad'.

Claude gave me a patronizing little wave and bow to the crowd before hurling himself off the ledge.

I moved closer to the edge for a peek, only to see him land ungracefully in a bellyflop, creating a huge splash. Several people frantically swam away, trying to avoid him.

I giggled uncontrollably, clutching my sides. Until I realized that the building up queue of people were looking at me expectantly.

I gave the kid behind me what I thought was a replication of a friendly smile and motioned for him to go ahead for his turn first. He just crossed his arms and gave me an evil smirk. I resisted the insane urge to throttle him.

_Shit!_

I shakily moved towards the edge, took one look into the ocean below and shut my eyes tightly, slowly retreating.

Taking a deeep breath, I made a run for it.

_4 meters _

_3 meters _

_2 meters _

_1.5 meters_

"Ompfh!" momentary silence as my toe caught under a pebble and I braced myself for contact with the ground.

Only, it never came.

Cracking open an eyelid, I find myself sailing past the solid ground and into the air. Flaying my arms about like a mad chicken trying to fly, I tried hopelessly to keep myself up.

"ARGHHHHHH!"

Staring incredulously as the ocean surface got nearer and nearer, I put my hands over my head. I caught a glimpse of Claude not far off in the water before my head made impact with the surface and water rushed up my nose.

I was stunned for a second before quickly swimming towards the surface. Gasping, I gingerly swept clumps of wet hair from my eyes.

Boy, that was electrifying, scary but totally worth it. The adrenaline rush was incredible. I swam towards the shore, clearing the area for the next person. Retrieving a pair of shades from Claude's scooter, I collapsed on the sand, soaking up the sunshine.

"Ahh darlin'! You were superbly entertaining out there! You ain't chickening out on me already, are you!" Claude exclaimed chirpily.

"Glad to be of service, asshole."

"You wound me darlin'! But y'know vampire-girl, you should really put some sunscreen before you are fried." Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, he continued "I'm sure there many volunteers around willing to help you."

_Vampire-girl_. Claude really struck a cord there. If only he knew I was _this_ close to becoming one for real. I reminded myself that I am a changed person now and new Bella refuses to let the past catch up with her. Burying my feeling deep under a carpet of indifference, I give Claude the middle finger and continued lying lazily on the beach.

--

After lunch, Claude and I proceeded to try out the higher ledges. Even though the initial fear of heights had lessened, the feel of air rushing past one's face and hitting the water still maintained its exhilaration.

We tried jumping off in different positions and synchronizing our jumps for the fun of it. The local Quileutes laughed at us every time we landed ungracefully in the water and we laughed along with them.

By the late afternoon, storm clouds were starting to pull in and the weather was back in usual business. The water was becoming choppy and some people were starting to leave.

Claude insisted that we leave as well but I wanted to have a go on the highest ledge first and he obliged. By the time we reached the peak, only a few older teens were left.

This ledge was almost twice the height of the previous one, and coupled with the increasingly turbulent waters, it was an intimidating sight. Claude went first without hesitation.

"To infinity and beyond!"

And wham, he disappeared down the rabbit hole.

Once he safely emerged from the water, I readied myself for the jump, toes barely an inch away from the precarious edge. A slight drizzle was beginning to beat down on my shoulders but I couldn't bring myself to hurry. I wanted to savor every moment of this.

I looked around, enjoying the scenery from the peak; the smell of the crisp air, the dark clouds converging with the almost-black ocean in the distance, the magnificence of the surrounding cliffs. A slight dark spot marring the cliff adjacent to the 'island' caught my attention, causing me to shift my gaze.

It was a sleek black truck that though not overtly flashy, was still obviously not the usual small town fare that one is accustomed to seeing.

There was something strangely familiar to it that I couldn't quite put a finger to.

A heavily tinted window slowly rowed down as if answering my question and I immediately caught sight of a messy mob of blonde hair and gleaming ochre eyes, looking straight at me.

Shocks coursed through my entire being, causing me to tingle with a numbing sensation.

It didn't take a genius to figure of who it was.

It was almost exactly like a repeat of that night so many months ago, when he had come to say goodbye, to seek forgiveness.

I stared at him and he stared back, neither able to break the eye contact, nor affected by the distance or environment. My façade appeared to be calm. Yet inside, I was in emotional turmoil.

_Is he real? Have I gone insane? Why had he come back? What did he want? Am I strong enough to face him? Is the entire family here with him? _

Thoughts, assumptions, different scenarios were fleeting pass my brain at breakneck speed, rendering me unable to even process them before another idea would occur. Uncertainty and fear was beginning to leak out of my very pores.

Nonetheless, I didn't break eye contact, afraid that he would vanish should I even blink for a second.

Bright spots were starting to flicker in my vision, causing me to sway slightly on my feet. A few loose pebbles tumbled off the side of the ledge and he looked slightly concerned.

A strange worry sneaked through me and I threw any reminding doubt of his identity out of the window.

The bright spots were by then clouding my entire vision and I blindly groped around for support.

I could hear waves beating furiously against the sides of the cliffs while Claude was shouting noiselessly at the distant shore, arms waving frantically, trying to catch my attention.

My eyes instinctively seeked him out once again. He had exited from the truck in one fluid motion and was crouching tensely at the edge of the cliff.

Everything had started revolving at an alarming speed and looking downwards, I was sure that this was the end. Closing my eyes, I felt my face twist into a smile/grimace.

Then, I was falling.

_Falling_

_Falling_

As the wind whipped across my face, the caress of air resistance against by body, I stretched my hands out.

After what felt like hours, I suddenly felt a pair of icy arms snatched me midair, clasping tightly around my waist, entire body length spooning against my back.

With much effort, I tore open a heavy eyelid.

The same pair of yellow orbs was staring intently at my face, disregarding the fact that we were rapidly falling into a black abyss underneath.

The very essence of time itself seemed to slow down as I looked at him.

I blacked out with ochre burnt at the back of my eyelids.

* * *

**A/N: Annnndd things are beginning to heat up! Please, do drop a review!**


	8. Breaking The Surface

**Author's Note:** Okay no excuses. I was just getting lazy. Not my best chapter, I'm not exactly proficient at writing intense emotional scenes. Let me know how I did yea! Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 6  
Bella POV**

--

_And you got here just in time__  
To let me know I was worth saving.  
__If nothing more than for the heart  
Too proud to breathe,  
But all too scared to say  
The things worth saying_

_-Walk On Water Or Drown, Mayday Parade_

--

"_-look, if you ain't going to tell me what the hell you did to my friend here, please get the fuck out of my way!"_

I vaguely hear Claude's agitated voice ringing in my ears. I wanted to ask him what was the problem, but I feel so tired. _Too tired._ Too tired to lift my eyelids or open my mouth. What was going on anyway?

Silence.

"_You should really take her to the hospital."_

A different voice spoke this time, calm and to the point. I was curious but not enough to lift myself out of the semi-awake hazy state.

"_Mind your own business frat boy. Whatever you did, it's done enough damage."_

"_If you really care about her, you would take her to somewhere sheltered instead of freezing in the rain."_

"_Shut up! Just shut up."_

Gee, Claude must really be scared or worried to have reacted so snappishly.

Further silence.

"_Y-you think she needs mouth to mouth or something?"_

"_No she didn't drink too much water though it's not to say whether she will die of a cold in this weather. She should be waking up soon."_

Sarcasm was thickly laced in the words and Claude surprisingly kept silent. Then again he might be halfway through assaulting the other unidentified guy. _That wouldn't be unexpected._

Apparently not the case as someone started slapping my cheeks.

"_Bella. Helllloooo Bella! Time to wake up! Wake Up! C'mon open your eyes."_

It was Claude alright.

I lifted an arm in an attempt to swat him away, groaning a little at how heavy my arm felt. Opening my eyes, I only see Claude hovering over me.

"Wh-what's going on? Where are we?" I questioned with sleep in my voice.

"Cliff diving remember darling? You fainted or something I'm not sure. Stupid frat boy there refuse to say. It's like one moment you were all ready to jump then the next moment you looked like you saw a ghost or something. I tried to tell you not to jump since the weather was getting worse. You looked freaking terrified up there." He was starting to babble.

I groaned and attempted to sit up, propping my elbows against the muddy sand. I glanced about disoriented, Claude's words not really registering in my semi-functional brain.

A blonde guy was standing a slight distance away, back facing me.

I was halfway through collapsing back on the sand when my brain decided that it was a good time to start processing again. My head snapped up so quickly that I nearly gave myself a whiplash. Images of the day's events flashed at the back of my head with surprising clarity.

Cliff-diving.

Jasper.

Fainting.

I was pretty sure I was still in shock. There was no other explanation why I was taking this in without screaming or freaking out yet.

Then again the shock might have permanently addled my brain and rendered me unable to have any other emotional capacity.

I wanted to say something, _anything_ to Jasper. Make him prove that he was really here. Grind him about the rest of the Cullens. Scream at him. Absolutely anything would have sufficed. But when I opened my mouth, words failed me. I gapped wordlessly at his back long enough for Claude to question me worriedly whether I was really alright.

"Um y-yea…Ju-Just get me out of here Claude."

I sent a furtive glance towards Jasper's direction but he was still unresponsive, head bent down, face away from my view. Whatever his deal was, it was starting to irritate me. First, he comes unannounced back to Forks knowing fully well that I live here and ignoring (or feinting ignorance, I'm not sure) his _brother's_ promise never return. Then, after causing me to nearly die from shock, he proceeds to pretend that he doesn't recognize me.

Leaning heavily on Claude, we made our way back to his bike nearby. After helping me mount, he hopped on and secured my arms around his waist. Just as Claude was about to start the engine, Jasper's voice interrupted.

"Wait!" He hesitated a little before continuing "Let Bella ride with me. It can't be safe riding in this weather and with Bella still so weak."

He trailed off, seemingly unsure of how to proceed, running a hand nervously through his blonde mop.

Hearing Jasper's voice brought back unwanted memories, making my head throb with a dull ache. I averted my eyes, resting my forehead forlornly against Claude's back, breathing uneven. His voice was smooth but with a slightly husky edge. So similar yet so different from _his_ velvet one. I attempted to rein in my emotions but gave up. Being the empath, he would have felt the on slaughter already anyway.

Claude recognized my sudden unease but passed it off as part of the fainting spell. But of course that only helped to strengthen Jasper's case of me not being fit enough to ride a bike.

After a testerone-induced staring contest, Claude finally concedes with a small sigh.

He really didn't like being proven wrong.

Without another word, he clumsily helped me climb off. Just as my face was about to make friends with the muddy sand, a pair of hands grabbed my waist, cold fingers brushing against the side of my stomach.

A chill jolt through my spine and I shuddered.

_Such memories_

Lifting me off the floor altogether with ease, Jasper carried me bridal style to his truck that had been driven down from the cliff top some time while I was out.

Claude helped to open the passenger side door while Jasper unceremoniously dumped me onto the springy seat. They converse briefly out of my hearing range and parted ways, Claude returning towards the direction of his scooter and Jasper getting into the truck.

"Your friend is going to meet us back at your place."

It was the only explanation he gave before starting the truck. We settled in an uncomfortable silence, neither willing to even look at each other.

Unlike my monster vehicle, Jasper's was much better maintained with a spacious interior, the faint smell of new leather still present. There were a few canvas boards stuffed haphazardly behind the seats as well as a stained crumpled shirt strewn across his seat. Maps of different states were stacked on the dashboard.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought that he was living in his car.

I took advantage of the quiet to think things through. His sudden appearance had riled up the foundations of my post-vamp life. Feeling more sober now, it made me question really how long I could actually pretend that everything was fine before all that shit hits the fan and blows up in my face.

The situation didn't look too promising.

I was interrupted from my reverie when Jasper removed his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

He didn't try to calm my torrid emotions nor mentioned anything about it. I was thankful for that.

"You're shivering." He observed.

I nodded with a certain degree of surprise.

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards a little and he _almost_ flashed a rueful smile at my apparent confusion.

It was only then that I truly looked at Jasper. His face seemed somewhat more serene, the permanent frown etched on his forehead previously having since disappearing. His hair was no longer slicked back but in casual disarray, partially covering his eyes. And he was actually _slouching_.

Now, _that_ was something I've never seen any vampire do.

It was glaringly obvious that he had changed much as well since we last each other. His entire demeanor was less tense and somehow he seemed more _human_. It sudden hit me that he actually looked at ease in my presence without anyone else acting as buffer.

Whatever happened to him must have been huge to have caused such a radical change.

I decided then that I wanted, _had_ to know more about him, about the rest of _them_. To hell with self-preservation.

--

We reached my house in record time while Claude lagged behind, far out of sight. I was relieved to see that Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the drive way yet.

I went up to my room to change while Jasper waited in the kitchen area.

Closing the door, I wearily tore of the layers of wet clothing, changing into a clean pair of sweats and tank top.

As I stared absentmindedly at my reflection on the vanity mirror, I felt an overwhelming wave of nostalgia. All the pent up emotion that I have secured tightly and hidden away for the past year seemed to be on the verge of surfacing. Life has fleeted by so quickly and suddenly the person staring back at me from the mirror seemed immensely foreign.

I subconsciously backed away from the mirror, knees buckling against the side of my bed and sunk to the floor

For the longest time, I sat curled up in a heap, wallowing in self-pity.

A gentle knocking on the door forced me out of my trance.

"Come in. The door's not locked."

The knob turned and Jasper hovered cautiously at the threshold, a steaming cup in his hand.

"I made you a cup of hot chocolate. It was the only thing I know ho-"

"Why are you really here Jasper?" I interrupted hollowly.

That stumped him into silence as he noted my fetal position. Finally, he stepped in, placed the mug next to me and sat heavily opposite me.

"I-I don't really know either. I was passing through this area and I just needed to know that you were okay after…after everything that has happened." He replied earnestly.

"Well you can't just do things like that! I _won't_ allow you to. I was _alright_, getting by and now your presence has messed everything up! Look, I'm done with vampires. I've learnt my lesson if that's what _he_ wants. You can go back and tell _him_ that."

A strange look crossed his face "Bella, I'm here on my own. No one else is coming. Edward didn-"

"Don't say his name!" I raised my voice shrilly.

He was taken aback by my sudden outburst and sent calming waves in my direction instantly. I didn't protest.

"Alright, alright. Just calm down" He raised his palms up in surrender.

Any reminisce of conversation died with my declaration and the only sound heard were my deep breaths.

Finally feeling sufficiently calmed, I offered an apology.

"I'm sorry. It's just…it's just a self-preservation thing."

Comprehension flashed in his eyes and for a second he looked pained.

"I left the Cullens too." He tried to comfort me.

An involuntarily bitter laugh escaped my lips "So they decided that you are not good enough for them as well? Don't worry, that makes the two of us."

Looking mildly surprise and annoyed at my bitterness, he pushed himself off the floor.

"Actually it was _purely_ my decision. You know you've really changed Bella. I would never have pegged you for the type to make such damning assumptions of others."

His comments made me jump up with anger.

"You know what?! Screw you Jasper!" I closed the gap between us and hissed at him "Who are you to talk about me when you yourself haven't been here for the past year! You have no idea what I've been through! NO FUCKING IDEA! So don't you dare judge me for what I am."

I stomped down the stairs, eyes brimming with angry tears threatening to spill over. I haven't felt so this much anger in a long time.

I heard Jasper climbing down the stairs moments later but ignored him, choosing to glance out of the window instead, refusing to let him further witness my sorry state.

"Look um Bella, I'm sor-"

"No Jasper. I'm tired." I whispered hoarsely hoping that it sounded stronger than what I was feeling inside. "I'm not ready to deal with things right now."

I see him give a resigned nod out of the corner of my eye, preparing to leave.

Just at that instant, with his seemingly psychic powers, Claude turned his scooter into my drive way. He busied himself looking for any damage to his precious and thankfully did not catch me standing by the window.

I hastily pulled the curtains shut.

Knowing that Jasper was equally if not more so aware of Claude's presence, I mumbled "Please tell Claude that I'm asleep and to go home first. I want to be alone right now. Thanks."

"Alright"

He paused at the door and questioned softly "I'll talk to you some other time then?"

"Yeah I guess so." I muttered.

_If you're still here then. _

_

* * *

_**A/N: Drop a review!**


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